Episode 10
Breaking the Taboo: Real Talk on Postpartum Pleasure and Relationships
Rediscovering intimacy and pleasure postpartum is a vital yet often overlooked aspect of motherhood, and Nikkita Grady is here to shed light on this critical journey. As a certified postpartum pleasure and intimacy coach, Nikkita shares her personal experiences following a miscarriage in 2021, which ignited her passion for helping mothers reconnect with their bodies and partners. She addresses the taboos surrounding postpartum intimacy, emphasizing that conversations often focus on depression and physical changes while neglecting the emotional and relational impacts of becoming a parent. Throughout the discussion, Nikkita provides practical insights on self-care, communication challenges, and the importance of establishing boundaries within oneself and with partners. Join us for an enlightening conversation aimed at breaking the silence around postpartum struggles and supporting women in rediscovering pleasure in their lives.
Navigating the postpartum period can often feel isolating and overwhelming, particularly when it comes to intimacy and personal identity. Nikkita Grady, a certified postpartum pleasure and intimacy coach, sheds light on these critical yet often overlooked aspects of motherhood. Following her own experience with miscarriage and the subsequent challenges in her relationship, Nikkita was inspired to help other mothers rediscover their bodies and relationships after childbirth. Her insights shine a light on the necessity of addressing the emotional and sexual dynamics that can change dramatically in the postpartum phase.
Central to Nikkita's message is the idea that self-care is essential for mothers to feel empowered and connected. During the conversation, she discusses the myriad of ways in which mothers can reclaim their sense of self through small acts of self-care and intentional communication with their partners. She argues that society's focus on physical recovery often neglects the emotional and psychological factors that contribute to a mother’s well-being. Her coaching encourages women to prioritize their desires and needs, which can lead to more fulfilling relationships.
Furthermore, Nikkita addresses the societal taboos surrounding discussions of postpartum intimacy, emphasizing that many women feel alone in their struggles. By creating a space for open dialogue, she helps dismantle these stigmas, encouraging mothers to embrace their experiences without shame. The conversation is rich with practical advice and personal anecdotes, leaving listeners inspired to take action in their own lives. Nikkita’s work goes beyond just intimacy coaching; it’s about nurturing a holistic approach to motherhood that encompasses pleasure, self-acceptance, and joy in the midst of challenges.
Takeaways:
- Nikkita Grady highlights the often overlooked importance of intimacy and pleasure in postpartum life.
- Mothers frequently neglect self-care, which significantly impacts their well-being and relationships.
- Effective communication with partners is crucial, yet often lacking in postpartum experiences.
- Rediscovering personal identity and pleasure can help mothers regain confidence in their bodies.
- Nikkita emphasizes that postpartum challenges can vary greatly from one woman to another.
Transcript
Hey, how are you?
Nikita Grady:I'm great.
Nikita Grady:How are you today?
Nikita Grady:It's definitely a Monday today.
Speaker A:Could you introduce yourself, please, and give, like, a little backstory for our listeners?
Nikita Grady:Yes, absolutely.
Nikita Grady:My name is Nikita Grady.
Nikita Grady:I am a postpartum pleasure and intimacy coach.
Nikita Grady:So I work with moms, not just women who just had a baby in the last three or four months.
Nikita Grady:I work with moms, and I help them reconnect with their bodies.
Nikita Grady:I help them also reconnect with their partners and regain intimacy in their relationship.
Nikita Grady: nd I got into this because in: Nikita Grady:And my relationship after the miscarriage took a major hit from that whole postpartum phase.
Nikita Grady:And I was, like, trying to figure out what was happening, what to do, and it just wasn't enough resources out there.
Nikita Grady:And so after navigating all of these different challenges and this, because postpartum with this pregnancy was totally different from my other pregnancies.
Nikita Grady:And so I did the work and I came out on the other side and I was like, I can't be the only one.
Nikita Grady:So I feel, as a certified sex coach and sex educator and somebody who just experienced this, that I should put the word out and try to help moms any way that I can.
Nikita Grady:Because this is something that is not talked about.
Nikita Grady:When you look up postpartum thing, they talk about depression or anxiety or weight gain, weight loss, breastfeeding, like, all of those things.
Nikita Grady:No one talks about your relationship or your sex life after you have a baby.
Speaker A:That is so true.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And that's the reason why I didn't know that was going to be an issue.
Speaker A:Yeah, like, I feel like no one told me, look, this is going to test your marriage or you might even feel, like, resentful or all of those things.
Speaker A:Like why?
Speaker A:Like, why don't we talk about that?
Nikita Grady:I think because it's taboo.
Nikita Grady:Just like the topic of sex itself.
Nikita Grady:I know relationship isn't just defined by sex, but people don't like to talk about the ugly.
Nikita Grady:It's.
Nikita Grady:Everybody wants to talk about the good things.
Nikita Grady:So it's, oh, you're going to have a baby and, oh, just enjoy it and all the things.
Nikita Grady:And just make sure that you do XYZ and yada, yada, yada.
Nikita Grady:No one.
Nikita Grady:I'm not sure why.
Nikita Grady:No one feels the need to say, make sure that you effectively communicate with your partner.
Nikita Grady:Make sure that you establish boundaries or that.
Nikita Grady:Do you know that your entire life, and not just your personal life, but your love life is gonna change after you have a baby?
Nikita Grady:Because now you have a whole nother dynamic.
Nikita Grady:You're number one, responsible for another person or other people.
Nikita Grady:And then I think two people fail to put out that when we have babies as moms, like the first thing that goes out of the window is the self care for ourselves.
Nikita Grady:And when we neglect self care when we're neglecting ourselves, I mean, we're trying to be everything to everybody.
Nikita Grady:And by everybody, I mean your kids, your spouse, or whatever, whoever's in your home.
Nikita Grady:When we're trying to be everything to everybody and we're not even what we need to be to ourselves, that impacts us in a way that is unimaginable and we don't even realize it until it's too late.
Nikita Grady:And I think people are just afraid, number one, to admit that, because in order to admit that, for me to tell you that your relationship might suffer or your sex life might suffer, or you might wake up on some days and not even know who you are, that means that I probably experienced that.
Nikita Grady:And then that means that I have had a problem.
Nikita Grady:And a lot of people don't like to admit that they had a problem.
Speaker A:Oh my gosh, that is so true.
Nikita Grady:And that's why, and I think that's why people don't talk about it, because either that or.
Nikita Grady:So I did a live show back in February, and after the live show, someone came up to me and she was like, thank you so much.
Nikita Grady:You made me feel normal.
Nikita Grady:Everything that I, that you touched on is how I was feeling after I had my daughter.
Nikita Grady:She was like.
Nikita Grady:And when I talked to my friends and even my mom who has multiple kids, they was like, oh, I never experienced that, so I don't know what's wrong with you.
Nikita Grady:And so she literally thought for this two year span that something was wrong with her because other people said that they couldn't relate to her.
Speaker A:That's.
Speaker A:That is such a disservice to fellow women and fellow human beings because obviously we all suffer.
Speaker A:Gosh, that, that's exactly what I'm like trying to fight against.
Speaker A:And you are too, obviously aside from like.
Speaker A:But you actually help specific people.
Nikita Grady:Yes.
Speaker A:So tell me about that.
Nikita Grady:So I'm pretty much here for the people who are experiencing any type of issues, whether it's just the intimacy in your relationship is gone or if it's just I don't know who I am, I don't feel like myself or I can't think about sex because I'm breastfeeding and I just feel like my body doesn't belong to me.
Nikita Grady:It Belongs to my child.
Nikita Grady:And a lot of people can't separate the.
Nikita Grady:If you are someone who feels like everything is PT ring, like everything was like it was before pregnancy, I am not the one for you.
Nikita Grady:I'm not here.
Nikita Grady:Kudos to you if your sex drive did not change.
Nikita Grady:Kudos to you if your relationship did not take a hit.
Nikita Grady:But I am here to help women who are struggling with their self identity, with their mental health, with their sex life, their sex drive, intimacy within their relationship, and then their relationship as a whole with themselves and their partners.
Speaker A:Do you find that it takes a lot for someone to come to you?
Nikita Grady:Yeah.
Speaker A:For a client to come to you?
Nikita Grady:Yes.
Nikita Grady:So I have some people that have come to me and they would say, hey, my husband sent me one of your posts on Instagram and said that I should reach out or that I should have a conversation with you.
Nikita Grady:This is the issue that I'm having.
Nikita Grady:Or someone will say, hey, my friend sent me this and I'm just trying to see what do you do and how can you help me?
Nikita Grady:A lot of the times what I have found is women will also come to me because they can't talk to their partner about sex.
Nikita Grady:It's uncomfortable.
Nikita Grady:Or they're afraid that if it's been over six weeks and the doctor has cleared them for sexual activity, but they are not ready for sex and their partner is, they feel like it's going to create like World War three in the home or whatever the case may be.
Nikita Grady:So they come to me and I let them know, this is how I can help you.
Nikita Grady:This is what working with me looks like.
Nikita Grady:Do you want to move forward?
Nikita Grady:And once we go through that, I think painting a picture of what you can achieve by working with me makes them feel a little bit more at ease and then they're able to put their guard down also, I think because I've been through it before and I can relate.
Nikita Grady:I'm not just somebody out here who, like, I'm not someone who's not a mom out here trying to help women through postpartum.
Nikita Grady:If I just feel like I can't help you if I don't know what I'm doing myself.
Nikita Grady:And because I've been where you are, I think it makes it easier once people actually initially connect with me for them to open up.
Speaker A:Have you dealt with a lot of people asking you questions and they're like giggly and awkward?
Nikita Grady:In the beginning I did.
Nikita Grady:I don't come across that as much now.
Nikita Grady:And I think some of it was probably me, like I, for instance, if I was out and about and somebody just happened to ask me what I did, I would just giggle and, like, thanks, Coach.
Nikita Grady:And then they would get, like, shy or timid, and then they would be all bashful and giggly.
Nikita Grady:And so when I rebranded, when I figured out what I really wanted to do and I rebranded, I was like, okay, it's time for me to take myself serious.
Nikita Grady:And I don't feel like other people can take me as seriously if I'm giggling when I give my title.
Nikita Grady:And so I think because now I'm.
Nikita Grady:Yes, I'm a sex coach or I'm a postpartum pleasure intimacy coach.
Nikita Grady:It's okay.
Nikita Grady:All right, let's talk.
Speaker A:I really admire that you said that social media had given you problems with censorship or messing up your algorithm.
Nikita Grady:Oh, yeah.
Nikita Grady:It is an ongoing fight.
Nikita Grady:So I had to recently create a whole new Instagram, and I decided to start from scratch.
Nikita Grady:So I'm very intentional now.
Nikita Grady:Not to mention, like, sex, even in.
Nikita Grady:So at one point.
Nikita Grady:And a lot of people in my industry do the same thing.
Nikita Grady:Like, instead of typing sex in their caption, they'll do, like, SCGs or SECKs, or they'll write sex, and then they'll do upside down E or E with an accent mark or something like that.
Nikita Grady:So I've just learned different ways to say what I need to say to my audience without specifically saying sex.
Nikita Grady:And that's part of the reason why.
Nikita Grady:So initially, I was a postpartum sex and intimacy coach, and so then I changed my title to Pleasure.
Nikita Grady:And it wasn't even social media that pushed me to change it to Pleasure, but I'm sure that because my title had sex in it, that was part of the reason why I kept getting Shadow banned.
Nikita Grady:What pushed me to change my title from sex coach to Pleasure is I would notice if I was out in public, if I was in Target, and I would approach someone and I would be talking to them and they had toddlers with them.
Nikita Grady:If I said the word sex, number one, I would be uncomfortable.
Nikita Grady:Not because I'm not comfortable saying sex around kids, but because I don't know how other people would respond to that.
Nikita Grady:I know that not everyone is comfortable with words like that being thrown around, with being thrown around their kids.
Nikita Grady:And so I would, like, hesitate and I'd be like, hi, I just wanted to introduce myself.
Nikita Grady:I'm a sex coach.
Nikita Grady:And I was like, okay, now it makes it seem like I'm embarrassed about what I do, so I need to fix this.
Nikita Grady:So then I started to lean into the term pleasure.
Nikita Grady:And from my own personal experiences and even working with my therapist, I come.
Nikita Grady:I found that I like the word pleasure better.
Nikita Grady:I feel like pleasure is more encompassing because also what I'm noticing is, although I started out as a certified sex coach, and then I niched down to work with postpartum women or moms in general, I'm also noticing that pleasure can be a lot of things and not necessarily just sex.
Nikita Grady:And my therapist made a statement to me, and it was.
Nikita Grady:I was so.
Nikita Grady:I had gotten a little stagnant in my business.
Nikita Grady:I wasn't really doing anything.
Nikita Grady:My motivation was up and down, mostly down.
Nikita Grady:And I was to the point where I was ready to throw a towel in.
Nikita Grady:And so my therapist said, you work with women in helping them rediscover pleasure.
Nikita Grady:And I was like, yeah, that's right.
Nikita Grady:And she said, the reason why you're struggling so bad is because you're not allowing yourself to experience pleasure in life in general.
Nikita Grady:And because you're not able to experience pleasure, you're having a hard time teaching other women how to experience pleasure, even though you're talking about sex.
Nikita Grady:And so I pondered on that for a while, and I was like, she might be onto something.
Nikita Grady:And then I was like, you know, that is a issue that we have postpartum as moms, is we don't allow ourselves to experience pleasure in general, not even just sexually.
Nikita Grady:And so I like.
Nikita Grady:I just.
Nikita Grady:I don't know.
Nikita Grady:I just.
Nikita Grady:I like the term pleasure and intimacy better because I just feel like it makes it a little bit broader.
Nikita Grady:And I can hit on more things than just say pleasure.
Speaker A:Makes me think also of, you don't necessarily need a partner.
Speaker A:Right.
Nikita Grady:You can find pleasure in indulging in a big bowl of ice cream binge watching your favorite comfort show.
Nikita Grady:Like, that could be pleasure.
Nikita Grady:But if you are not allowing yourself to even do small things like that, then you're hurting yourself.
Nikita Grady:But ultimately, you're hurting your loved ones, because you can't perform from an empty cup.
Nikita Grady:You just can't, no matter how hard we try.
Nikita Grady:Like, I try to be super mom all the time, but there are times where I'm so depleted that I have the energy to do absolutely nothing.
Nikita Grady:And my daughter would be like, mommy, I wanna go to the park.
Nikita Grady:And I'm like, baby, please, no, not today.
Nikita Grady:Like, I just.
Nikita Grady:I can't.
Nikita Grady:And then that starts to become the norm, and we don't want that.
Speaker A:The best thing you can give your children is the best version of yourself.
Nikita Grady:Absolutely.
Nikita Grady:I thought people Start small.
Nikita Grady:Don't think that self care has to be these grand gestures to yourself.
Nikita Grady:Wow.
Nikita Grady:And this is another thing that my therapist actually helped me to see too, because we were talking and I think it was a couple of weeks after she told me the thing about the pleasure.
Nikita Grady:And we were talking and she said, what are you doing for self care?
Nikita Grady:Like you, I see you're out here teaching everybody about self care.
Nikita Grady:What are you doing?
Nikita Grady:And at this particular point, I had gotten away from my self care routine.
Nikita Grady:I did have one and then it just.
Nikita Grady:I don't even know what happened to it.
Nikita Grady:I looked up one day and I was not doing self care again.
Nikita Grady:And I was like, I'm not really getting massages anymore and I only really go to the nail shop now if I have to and things like that.
Nikita Grady:And she was like, no, that is pampering.
Nikita Grady:What are you doing for self care?
Nikita Grady:Pampering without self care is a waste of money.
Nikita Grady:And I was like, oh, that.
Nikita Grady:Yeah.
Nikita Grady:And so I started telling her about like my old self care routine and how I started it.
Nikita Grady:And she was like, okay, so maybe you need to get back to that.
Nikita Grady:And so start small.
Nikita Grady:And even though this is what I do, like, I am not perfect.
Nikita Grady:I'm still human.
Nikita Grady:So I do still mess up.
Nikita Grady:I do still fall short sometimes.
Nikita Grady:It's overwhelming.
Nikita Grady:My daughter is 5 and she has the schedule of about 5 kids.
Nikita Grady:She is in tumble, she is in tap, ballet, hip hop.
Nikita Grady:She is also in gymnastics, and she.
Nikita Grady:She's in swim and she goes to school.
Nikita Grady:Like, we are literally doing something almost every day of the week.
Nikita Grady:And when you're ripping and running constantly on top of just chauffeuring a kid around, on top of whatever your career is, whether you're a career woman or, well, a businesswoman or an entrepreneur, like, whatever you do to generate income, like, trying to juggle all of that can become overwhelming.
Nikita Grady:It's a lot.
Nikita Grady:And like I said, sometimes most of the times we just, we're like, I'll take care of me later and I'll take care of me later.
Nikita Grady:Goes from being one day to a week to a month.
Nikita Grady:And then you look up and it's been three, six, maybe even a year.
Nikita Grady:And it's like, when's the last time you bought something for you?
Nikita Grady:When's the last time you took a moment to just breathe?
Nikita Grady:When is the last time you took just five minutes to yourself where you're not doing anything, you're not working, you're not talking to anyone else, you're not caring for anyone else you're not cleaning like you are literally just in the moment for just five minutes.
Nikita Grady:Start small.
Nikita Grady:Once you can master taking five minutes, then you can increase that to 10 minutes.
Nikita Grady:Once you can, once you master taking 10 minutes for yourself, then you can start to incorporate other things.
Nikita Grady:And that was how I started with my routine.
Nikita Grady:I took a few minutes here and there and then I went to in the mornings I was like, let me focus on skincare because my skin has started getting really bad.
Nikita Grady:So I went to Sephora and I had them do a skin analysis and they helped me choose these products for me to use as far as cleansers and moisturizers.
Nikita Grady:So I started there and then every morning I made sure that I washed my face with these products that I spent all this money on.
Nikita Grady:And then from there I incorporated a nighttime routine.
Nikita Grady:Because I actually learned in the last couple of years that the products that you're using in the morning should not be the same products you're using at night.
Nikita Grady:And I know I went to Sephora, you don't even have to start there.
Nikita Grady:You can start at Walmart, you can shop on Amazon.
Nikita Grady:Like you have to do what's best for you.
Nikita Grady:But ultimately the goal is that you want to create a self care routine for yourself.
Nikita Grady:You want to make sure that you're nurturing yourself, you want to make sure you're taking care of yourself so that you can be the best version that you can be to your children and your partner.
Speaker A:I feel like I just recently made the cut between pregnancy, clothing, pregnancy routine with washing my face and showering.
Speaker A:And I, I feel like I just was like, oh my God, I could go back to you like using good product, being like more like girly.
Speaker A:Like I felt, you know, during pregnancy I was like, I have to use, you know, non toxic, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker A:So that was like a huge thing.
Nikita Grady:And that goes back to a lot of women not feeling like their body is their own.
Nikita Grady:Because you do have to be careful.
Nikita Grady:When my daughter was born, she had super, super sensitive, like I think if I looked at fragrance, she broke out.
Nikita Grady:But I could not wear body sprays or perfumes or scented lotions or anything.
Nikita Grady:And I think in the last year I was just now able to start back doing that.
Nikita Grady:So even with that, you can still, there are still things that you can do to incorporate self care.
Nikita Grady:And like I said, as the kids get older, when it comes to things like that fragrance and products that you're using, you'll find that as they get older, most kids outgrow that super sensitive phase.
Nikita Grady:Not all.
Nikita Grady:It just really depends on what's going on with them.
Nikita Grady:But you'll learn to adapt and adjust and you can still find other ways.
Nikita Grady:So if you love to wear like body spray or perfume, and you can't wear that because your child is so sensitive, maybe you can find like a natural oil that smells really good that won't be as harsh for their skin.
Nikita Grady:And I know some people might be like, what does that have to do with my baby?
Nikita Grady:Because you got to keep in mind, if you're spraying perfume on you and then you're holding your baby and your baby has super sensitive skin, or if you're hugging your toddler and your toddler has super sensitive skin, that is going to affect their skin.
Speaker A:Yep.
Speaker A:Or like allergies or headaches or.
Speaker A:But like feeling like your body is your own is such a man.
Speaker A:You just go like you, you just go for so long, such a long time detaching from your body.
Speaker A:Let me just get through this pregnancy.
Speaker A:Let me just get through this.
Speaker A:And then if it's a difficult birth or traumatic or even if you have a C section, you're like healing from surgery and that's like a whole thing.
Nikita Grady:And yeah, it's so many different scenarios because just like pregnancy, every woman in every situation is going to be different, even from one child to the next.
Nikita Grady:Your first child might sleep through the night, might be easy to put on the schedule, and then you decide to have another child.
Nikita Grady:And this child could be like the seat of Chucky, this could be your child that does whatever.
Nikita Grady:And just you can't get this child on a routine to save your life.
Nikita Grady:So how do you come back from that?
Nikita Grady:So it does vary from one kid to the next, from one woman to the next.
Nikita Grady:But it's about finding a balance.
Nikita Grady:And I can help you get there.
Nikita Grady:But a lot of it, you still have to.
Nikita Grady:First of all, you have to be willing to put in the work.
Nikita Grady:And if you're not willing to put in the work, then you're not, you're never going to come out of this.
Nikita Grady:You have to be willing to put in the work.
Nikita Grady:And by putting in the work, I mean that if I'm, if I give you a task or what I call homework, if we work together and I give you homework, and let's say your homework is for you to find 10 minutes throughout the day that you can just have moments to yourself.
Nikita Grady:And you come and you keep giving me excuse after excuse as to why getting 10 minutes to yourself is not going to happen.
Nikita Grady:I can't help you because that means you're not willing to do the work.
Nikita Grady:Wake up 10 minutes earlier if you need to, stay up 10 minutes later if you need to go in the bathroom, lock the door for 10 minutes.
Nikita Grady:As long as your kids are not in danger, they're going to be okay.
Nikita Grady:Now, I'm not saying let your child scream and cry for 10 whole minutes again.
Nikita Grady:You have to know your threshold and your children's threshold, but that is still a start.
Nikita Grady:Try nap time.
Nikita Grady:If they're in daycare and these are moments again that you're not doing anything else.
Nikita Grady:You're not working, you're not caring for your partner because your child is at daycare.
Nikita Grady:You're not cooking and cleaning because you only have three hours to get the house tidy.
Nikita Grady:And I think that's another thing too, I have recently had to come to terms with.
Nikita Grady:My house is lived in, I have a five year old and it's not gonna always be clean all the time.
Nikita Grady:Like not the whole house at once anyway.
Nikita Grady:I was so anal about that for so long until I was like, I'm never going to accomplish anything because I'm always cleaning.
Nikita Grady:Sometimes you have to let those chores go.
Nikita Grady:Those chores will be there tomorrow.
Nikita Grady:So if it is a matter of you having a breakdown because you're so overwhelmed, you might be touched out, you're stressed out, you're overstimulated, whatever it is.
Nikita Grady:If it's a matter of you about to blow your gasket, you're about to like really lose your cool and washing clothes, take a break.
Nikita Grady:Wash those clothes tomorrow.
Speaker A:Yes, I, I heard someone say your house can't be clean and your kids clean and you clean all at the same time.
Nikita Grady:Throw one of those away.
Nikita Grady:But it is very hard to achieve for sure.
Nikita Grady:It's not an easy task.
Nikita Grady:And some people, there are different ways you can achieve that too.
Nikita Grady:So if you have a husband or a partner that lives with you, this is where communication comes in.
Nikita Grady:Like communicate.
Nikita Grady:Like, I really need you to help me with the house chores.
Nikita Grady:I feel like I'm doing everything by myself.
Nikita Grady:I don't know if you've ever heard anyone say they feel like a single.
Nikita Grady:What?
Nikita Grady:Hold on, let me think of how it's worded.
Nikita Grady:Even though they're married, they feel like they're a single parent.
Nikita Grady:I think it's called a married single parent.
Nikita Grady:I think that's the term for it.
Nikita Grady:First time I heard that was from two of my closest friends.
Nikita Grady:They were calling a single parent and I was like, Girl, don't talk to me about single parenting.
Nikita Grady:I am a single parent.
Nikita Grady:There is no way that my husband is going to be in the house with me.
Nikita Grady:And I feel like I'm doing this by myself.
Nikita Grady:And they're like, oh, you don't understand.
Nikita Grady:But when I started deep diving and really getting into this and talking to more people, I started to learn that really is a thing.
Nikita Grady:There are some people that are in relationships or marriages and they feel single.
Nikita Grady:What I'm finding in those situations is because the communication is not there.
Nikita Grady:You feel tired and touched out and overwhelmed.
Nikita Grady:You're partner, your husband, or whoever also feels tired, touched out and overwhelmed.
Nikita Grady:And you feel like the baby's hanging on me all day.
Nikita Grady:Why are you so tired?
Nikita Grady:But you have to understand that having a baby is not just an adjustment for you, it's an adjustment for them.
Nikita Grady:You also have to realize that they see that you're sensitive.
Nikita Grady:They see that this is you're different.
Nikita Grady:And sometimes it's a matter of them not knowing how to respond to you.
Nikita Grady:So it can maybe it's not that they don't want to help.
Nikita Grady:They feel like maybe before the baby, when they tried to help, you would tell them they were in the way and they don't want to be in the way because they don't want to frustrate you or irritate you.
Nikita Grady:So you have to communicate these things.
Nikita Grady:You have to talk and so just say, hey, I feel overwhelmed.
Nikita Grady:Can you please help out with the dishes?
Nikita Grady:Can you please help by cooking dinner?
Nikita Grady:Like delegate tasks if you need to, but have a conversation and you'll see how much easier it'll be and how.
Nikita Grady:And y'all can actually even maybe develop a routine where y'all take turns.
Nikita Grady:I got up with the baby last night.
Nikita Grady:It's your turn to get up with the baby tonight.
Nikita Grady:Or the middle kid had a nightmare last night.
Nikita Grady:I slept in there yesterday.
Nikita Grady:Can you go in there and sleep with them tonight or stay in there until they fall asleep tonight while they're doing.
Nikita Grady:That's 10 minutes that you can have to yourself.
Nikita Grady:Like you again, you have to find ways to make it work for you in your household.
Nikita Grady:But it's very possible.
Nikita Grady:Some people also find that hiring a cleaner to come to the house once or twice a week is helpful.
Nikita Grady:So you have to again, figure out what works for you in your situation and then implement that.
Nikita Grady:But you have to do whatever it is that's going to help you stay sane and that's going to allow you to take care of yourself.
Speaker A:Yeah, what is worth it if you're going to pay?
Speaker A:With your mental health and your relationship and intimacy, that's just not worth it.
Speaker A:Pay whatever it is for someone to clean your house.
Nikita Grady:And if you don't have it, because the economy is real jacked up right now and it's hard for a lot of people.
Nikita Grady:If you can't afford to hire a house cleaner, that's fine.
Nikita Grady:Maybe there's family members that you can bring into the home to help.
Nikita Grady:Maybe you have close friends.
Nikita Grady:Even if you have friends with kids, arrange a play date, put the kids in one room, and you don't even have to have the friend help you clean up.
Nikita Grady:But just having an adult that you can have adult conversation with while you do chores might be helpful.
Speaker A:That would.
Speaker A:That's everything.
Nikita Grady:I have a friend that tells me every time we get on the phone, she's like, I just love talking to you because I done got the whole house clean, girl.
Nikita Grady:And she was like, I don't know what it is about talking to you on the phone, but when I get on the phone with you, I get stuff done.
Nikita Grady:That's another way that you can.
Nikita Grady:And you're getting adult interaction.
Nikita Grady:Your kids are either napping or playing with someone, or Maybe they're watching TV or an iPad.
Nikita Grady:And I don't.
Nikita Grady:I know some people are like, I don't want my kids to be an iPad baby.
Nikita Grady:I said the same thing until I realized.
Nikita Grady:TikTok, I beg her now, please go get your iPad and find you something to do.
Nikita Grady:So, yeah, there are ways around not having enough money to hire help.
Nikita Grady:There are ways around feeling like you're a single married person.
Nikita Grady:There are ways around feeling like you're just completely exhausted and you just don't have the time and energy.
Speaker A:So you work with women when, if this happens, when do you start to work with their partner?
Speaker A:Or do you.
Nikita Grady:It depends.
Nikita Grady:So no one client that I work with has the same process.
Nikita Grady:Everything that I do is specifically tailored to my client.
Nikita Grady:So if my client needs for their partners to be present, then I can do partner coaching.
Nikita Grady:Some people, I've had some women say, it's me, I'm the problem.
Nikita Grady:I just need to work on this.
Nikita Grady:This is where my mind is.
Nikita Grady:This is where I want it to be, and so I work strictly with them.
Nikita Grady:I've had some women say, I'm not the problem, my partner is the problem, but what can I do to get my partner involved?
Nikita Grady:And sometimes.
Nikita Grady:And so an example of that, I recently had a client who.
Nikita Grady:It's not even she is postpartum.
Nikita Grady:She just had a baby a couple of months ago.
Nikita Grady:But her issue was not necessarily anything postpartum.
Nikita Grady:Her issue is that she wants her boyfriend to be more explorative in the bedroom, and she's not sure how to make him do the things that she wants him to do.
Nikita Grady:He doesn't know that she was reaching out to me or that she worked with me.
Nikita Grady:So in that instance, even though it was regarding her partner, I was still able to work with her.
Nikita Grady:And our exercises included things like, have this conversation with him, say these things.
Nikita Grady:Or you can initiate by doing this and saying something like, oh, I read this in the book, or I heard this on a podcast, or I saw this on social media, and I want to give it a try.
Nikita Grady:And so I worked with her with help getting her partner where she wanted him to be without him even being present ever.
Speaker A:That's pretty powerful.
Nikita Grady:And then, of course, there are some situations where I will have women come to me and they have an issue, and I will say, I can help you with this to an extent.
Nikita Grady:I would need for your partner to at least hop on one call.
Nikita Grady:Do you think your partner would be open to that?
Nikita Grady:So, yeah, it just.
Nikita Grady:It really depends on what the issue is and what the desired outcome is.
Speaker A:It's so important because you're right, it's pleasure is not just sex, and it's not just about you and your partner.
Speaker A:So it's not just like your relationship.
Speaker A:It's really about being intimate with yourself.
Nikita Grady:Yes, I have.
Nikita Grady:Women become attuned to their bodies.
Nikita Grady:And so that this is a thing, because, for one, if you're breastfeeding, if you're breastfeeding, it's like, my child is latched to my boobs all day.
Nikita Grady:This is not my body.
Nikita Grady:But for the women who aren't breastfeeding, for whatever reason, sometimes they feel detached from their body just because think about it, we grow these whole human beings in our body.
Nikita Grady:So our body goes through so many changes, and those changes, we have hormonal changes, we have physical changes.
Nikita Grady:Like all of these things that are taking place.
Nikita Grady:You're trying to figure out who you are or what your body is doing now.
Nikita Grady:You might have stretch marks and loose skin for the first time ever in your life.
Nikita Grady:And if that is something that you've never had before, like, that could be hard to become accustomed to.
Nikita Grady:If your breasts got really big while you were pregnant and then they immediately went back down, then, now your breasts probably sag a little bit.
Nikita Grady:If you're not.
Nikita Grady:If You've had perky breasts all your life and now you have a kid and your breasts are sagging.
Nikita Grady:That could be hard to accept.
Nikita Grady:That could be hard to look at every day.
Nikita Grady:If you're now an emotional being and you weren't emotional before the pregnancy, you might be having a hard time with that.
Nikita Grady:Like why am I always crying?
Nikita Grady:Everything makes me sad.
Nikita Grady:I just help them do the work to become or attune to their bodies again.
Nikita Grady:That means having the confidence to be in this new body.
Nikita Grady:That means accepting the fact that you may never go back to your pre pregnant body.
Nikita Grady:For some people they do and again kudos to you.
Nikita Grady:But for a lot of women that's not the case.
Nikita Grady:So I hope you become comfortable in your new skin and I help you rediscover things that you like in terms of physical touch to you.
Nikita Grady:And what I mean by that is so for me and I always tell people before I had my daughter my breasts were one of my biggest hotspots.
Nikita Grady:I could go from 0 to 100 real quick if the win after my daughter.
Nikita Grady:And I always use my daughter because I breastfed my daughter like strictly breastfed.
Nikita Grady:She didn't take bottles, she didn't even take a pacifier like she strictly breastfed.
Nikita Grady:And I ended up breastfeeding her for a little over two years.
Nikita Grady:Even when she got introduced to solid foods, I was still breastfeeding at that point.
Nikita Grady:It was more of a comfort thing for her like a paci would be for other kids.
Nikita Grady:But so by the time she stopped breastfeeding, my breasts were no longer a turn on for me.
Nikita Grady:Don't touch them because no, but I wouldn't know that if I didn't take the time to explore my body or try to become attuned to my body again I would and and this is for many women, some of the things that you liked before pregnancy you may not like after pregnancy.
Nikita Grady:You might use to like being bitten and now you don't.
Nikita Grady:You might not have liked being bitten before and now you do.
Nikita Grady:So I just help women figure out what it is that that they enjoy in their new body and how to accept that and be comfortable and be confident and feel sexy.
Nikita Grady:You can find me on all social media platforms.
Nikita Grady:Akitagrady.
Nikita Grady:So it's just N, I K I T a G R a D Y and that is Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, X whatever it is now.
Nikita Grady:Snapchat, LinkedIn, Lemonade.
Nikita Grady:You can also visit my website nikitagrady.com Feel free to message me through my website.
Nikita Grady:Feel free to send me a DM on any social media platform.
Nikita Grady:If you DM me on social media, I just ask that you give me a little bit of grace because a lot of times messages will go to filtered or spam and I don't see some messages for weeks.
Nikita Grady:So just give me a little bit of time.
Nikita Grady:If you do happen to message me and I don't respond right away, or you can send me an email@hellokitagrading.com awesome.
Speaker A:So I'll put all that in the show notes as well.
Speaker A:Thank you so much.
Nikita Grady:Thank you for having me.
Nikita Grady:Of course we're gonna have a part two, three now.
