Episode 16
Breaking Barriers: Lakia Holmes on Single Motherhood and Fertility Coaching
Navigating the emotional rollercoaster of new motherhood alongside the struggles of infertility is no small feat, and Lakia Holmes is here to talk about just that. As a single mother by choice, she bravely turned to IVF after being diagnosed with infertility, reshaping her life and dreams in unexpected ways. In this laid-back chat with host Lucinda Koza, Lakia opens up about the challenges and triumphs of balancing her career in sports production with the joys of motherhood, all while contemplating her future as a fertility coach. We dive into the societal pressures surrounding motherhood and career paths, the importance of community support, and how Lakia's journey is paving the way for others facing similar struggles. So grab your coffee, kick back, and join us for a heartfelt conversation filled with candid reflections and light-hearted banter that reminds us we’re all just doing our best.
Stepping into the world of single motherhood can feel like diving into the deep end—no floaties and no lifeguard in sight. In this episode, Lakia Holmes opens up about her transformative journey from sports producer to single mother, sharing her heartfelt story of overcoming infertility through IVF and donor sperm. Lakia’s candid reflections on her unexpected path are woven with humor and warmth, as she grapples with the societal pressures and personal challenges that come with raising a child alone. The balancing act of career and motherhood is no easy feat, but Lakia navigates it with grace, humor, and a dash of chaos, revealing her day-to-day realities that resonate with many parents. Beyond her personal narrative, Lakia’s aspirations to become a fertility coach highlight her dedication to uplifting others within the community. This episode beautifully illustrates the power of resilience, the importance of creating supportive networks, and the unique joy of forging one’s own path to parenthood, making it a heartfelt conversation that invites listeners to reflect on their own journeys.
Takeaways:
- Lakia's journey to motherhood highlights the emotional toll of infertility, showcasing the strength it takes to navigate through IVF and donor sperm decisions.
- The balance between a demanding career in sports production and single motherhood reveals the sacrifices and adjustments required in both personal and professional realms.
- Creating a supportive community is essential for both mothers and their children, as it fosters connections and shared experiences, particularly for those navigating similar paths.
- Lakia's transition into fertility coaching illustrates her desire to empower others facing infertility, demonstrating the importance of sharing knowledge and emotional support in the journey to parenthood.
- Societal pressures regarding motherhood often conflict with personal aspirations, leading to feelings of guilt and self-doubt, particularly for women focused on career growth before family.
- The conversation emphasizes that every family is unique, and being honest about one's journey can create a nurturing environment for children, regardless of traditional family structures.
Companies mentioned in this episode:
- Warner Brothers Discovery
- TNT
- MLB
- tbs
- New York Mets
Transcript
All right.
Speaker A:Hi, everyone.
Speaker A:I am Lissa Nicosa and this is how I ally I want to say welcome to my guest and would you please introduce yourself and give a little backstory.
Speaker B:Hey, thanks for having me.
Speaker B:My name is Lakiya Holmes, mom to a nine month old baby girl named Aila.
Speaker B:Adjusting to this new pain, parenthood, life, the decision to become a single mom by Choice back in 20 after being diagnosed with infertility, which was not part of my plan whatsoever.
Speaker B:My plan was to get ahead in my career, find the perfect partner, get married, build the dream life, then have the dream baby.
Speaker B:And that completely changed.
Speaker B:And so now here I am just navigating life as a single mom while I look forward to the future where I'm working with people who are dealing with infertility and just being an ally to men and women families, LGBTQ community, in terms of having access to great affordable reproductive care and just how to navigate the world of infertility and navigating the options to build families.
Speaker A:That is beautiful.
Speaker A:Are you changing careers or where are you in your career?
Speaker A:I need to know.
Speaker B:Great question.
Speaker B:So currently I am a sports producer, so I work for Warner Brothers Discovery.
Speaker B:So if NBA on TNT or MLB on tbs.
Speaker B:I work for the sports side.
Speaker B:So I work for, I work for Warner Brothers Discovery under TNT Sports.
Speaker B:So that's been my entire life is working in production, working in television.
Speaker B:I got my undergrad in broadcast journalism.
Speaker B:I got my master's degree in sports management, sports and television.
Speaker B:And just being a creative has just been everything.
Speaker B:I've.
Speaker B:The only thing I've known really.
Speaker B:And so now I'm trying to figure out where I am because I want, I love what I do.
Speaker B:It's all I know.
Speaker B:But I also feel this pull to be helpful and to make an impact based on the experiences that I went through with my fertility journey.
Speaker B:So I'm starting like a side little business where I'm starting as a fertility coach, so just want to do that.
Speaker B:So I'm starting to take clients and I'm gonna work with people one on one, helping them navigate the fertility journey that they're on, no matter where they are on their journey, and helping them just with emotional support, helping them learn how to navigate the financial aspects of it, because we know that's a huge part the fertility process, just how to finance fertility treatment, whether it's IVF, IUI, etc.
Speaker B:So taking a lot of what I learned from my journey and helping them know the questions to ask, helping them figure out how to navigate certain aspects and Just being a support system.
Speaker B:So that's what I'm doing right now, while I still have my nine to five, while I also take care of an infant.
Speaker B:So it's a lot right now.
Speaker B:It's a little crazy.
Speaker B:It's a little hectic, but it feels like the right thing to do at the right time.
Speaker A:It's like a Renaissance period or something.
Speaker A:It's, like, very hard, but at the same time, really exciting.
Speaker B:It is.
Speaker B:It's exciting and scary.
Speaker B:And so that's the beautiful thing about it, because after becoming a mom, it's interesting as my calendar alerts me that I have therapy in a few minutes, because this is my life now.
Speaker B:It's like everything has to be completely organized in a calendar, And I need 45 million notifications.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker B:But that's like real life.
Speaker B:Like, there's.
Speaker B:I'm trying to juggle so much, and that's what makes it fun, interesting, scary.
Speaker B:But after having a baby, it's also.
Speaker B:I can do all things.
Speaker B:Yeah, you're juggling so much, and it's what's rubber and what's glass?
Speaker B:What can you afford to drop?
Speaker B:And a lot of times you feel like you can't afford to drop.
Speaker B:A lot of times it feels like they're all glass and you can't afford to drop any of them.
Speaker B:But I've had to learn over these last nine months that not everything is going to be the way I want it to be or.
Speaker B:Because I'm very type A, I'm very much a perfectionist.
Speaker B:Like, I fold my clothes a certain way.
Speaker B:Like, I'm very particular.
Speaker B:And I've had to learn that I can no longer really be that way because life just does not afford me that opportunity to stress about things like that.
Speaker B:Like, my home will never be as meticulous as it once was.
Speaker B:Was.
Speaker B:And that greats me so much.
Speaker B:But also at the same time, it's like I have to learn to let go and to embrace.
Speaker B:And so that's just one of the things that's just been so fascinating and just about becoming a parent and just having to learn how to reprioritize certain things, let certain things go.
Speaker B:I'm a work in progress.
Speaker A:We all are.
Speaker A:I had.
Speaker A:My twins are almost too.
Speaker A:I'm not too far away from where you are.
Speaker B:Oh, you in the trenches?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:You're going through it.
Speaker A:I'm going through it.
Speaker A:And I have a boy and a girl, so it's like the.
Speaker A:Whoa.
Speaker A:So, yeah, it's a.
Speaker A:It's such a.
Speaker A:It's such a time I want to ask you about, like when did you.
Speaker A:So you were diagnosed with infertility and then you made the decision that you wanted to go ahead and go through with ivf, is that right?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Tell me a little bit about that process of decision making.
Speaker A:Was it easy?
Speaker A:Was it quick?
Speaker A:Was it hard?
Speaker B:Was it yes and no.
Speaker B:It was all it was.
Speaker B: became full time at my job in: Speaker B:And so with becoming full time, I had full access to all of the health benefits and my company, Warner Brothers Discovery, they offer fertility insurance.
Speaker B:So I said, okay, let me take advantage.
Speaker B:So I was what, 37 at the time?
Speaker B:20, 21.
Speaker B:37.
Speaker B:And I said, I know I want to have kids.
Speaker B:Like I.
Speaker B:That was a non negotiable for me.
Speaker B:I knew I wanted to have kids.
Speaker B:I wasn't completely ready at the time because I wasn't really where I wanted to be career wise, I.
Speaker B:E.
Speaker B:Financially.
Speaker B:And I live in the New York, New Jersey area.
Speaker B:And so dating is a challenge and.
Speaker A:I live there too.
Speaker B:And the struggle, you understand the struggle.
Speaker B:And so yeah, I said, okay, I'm just going to look into freezing my eggs just as a bonus, just as insurance, have those.
Speaker B:But my plan, my hope was to still find someone, get married, get pregnant naturally and start building a family.
Speaker B:And so it's through the process of going through the test to start the egg freezing process, I found out that my fallopian tubes were blocked.
Speaker B:My.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And so I had about a 2% chance of getting pregnant naturally.
Speaker B:The doctor said that my best option would be through ivf.
Speaker B:And that was the furthest thing from my mind.
Speaker B:And so I started.
Speaker B:Just all these questions started coming to my brain where I'm just, I'm like, did I wait too long?
Speaker B:Why?
Speaker B:Why me?
Speaker B:And so I cried a lot those few days after because it was just not part of the plan.
Speaker B:I was going in to go look at freezing eggs, but it was never my intention to ever need to use them.
Speaker B:So I just.
Speaker B:It took me about a week or so to.
Speaker B:To come to the decision.
Speaker B:It's, what am I waiting for?
Speaker B:What do I keep waiting for?
Speaker B:My bank account may never be where I'd like for it to be to support having a child.
Speaker B:And what if I never meet the right guy?
Speaker B:It was at that moment I just said, I'm just gonna take control and take charge of my life and made the decision.
Speaker B:I said, if I'm gonna have to go through IVF anyway, then just let's just find some donor sperm and let's just see and see how it goes.
Speaker B:And so, yeah, so I made the decision.
Speaker B: maybe like, around June, July: Speaker B: irst egg retrieval in October: Speaker B:So that was my first retrieval.
Speaker B:I had, at the same time, was going through the process of trying to find donor sperm, which is a journey in and of itself.
Speaker B: And I took off: Speaker B:Take a break.
Speaker B:Because it's a lot.
Speaker B:It's a lot on your body.
Speaker B:It's a lot on you mentally, emotionally.
Speaker B: And then: Speaker B:Like I told you, we could do a whole episode just on trying to find donor sperm.
Speaker B:Okay, I know.
Speaker A:And that is something that I don't know anything about.
Speaker A:That that's so interesting.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:It's a wild process.
Speaker B: So I found a donor in: Speaker A:That's a success story.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I was very lucky, very blessed, and very humbled by the process.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:I'm, like, starting to get emotional, just, like, reliving everything.
Speaker B:I spent a lot of time thinking, why me?
Speaker B:Why me?
Speaker B:Why me?
Speaker B:There are people around me getting pregnant left and right and center, seemingly so easily.
Speaker B:And that wasn't the case for me.
Speaker B:I was going to have to go through all of this stuff, but I did it.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:You.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And that's what's so amazing, is that you did that.
Speaker A:That was.
Speaker A:It's so hard, and it's so long.
Speaker A:It's like, years long from, like, start to finish.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:It's incredible.
Speaker A:I feel like we as women definitely spend a period of shame or feeling shame.
Speaker A:Oh, is it because I work too hard, or is it because I've waited too long or I let myself get to a certain age or all of that.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker B:I had so many thoughts, questions, doubts, because, again, it was like, what was I waiting so long for?
Speaker B:And then I think about all the money I spent on birth control that clearly I did not need.
Speaker B:And then that just pisses me off even more.
Speaker A:Oh, I know, right?
Speaker B:Because there's, like, one dependent.
Speaker B:Clearly, I didn't really need it.
Speaker A:Oh, God.
Speaker B:But, you know, I.
Speaker B:I crack jokes because that.
Speaker B:I found that cracking jokes a lot during that time helped ease a lot of the pain and the stress and stuff, because it's hard to beat.
Speaker B:It's very easy to beat yourself up and say, what did I do wrong?
Speaker B:Had I not waited this long?
Speaker B:And it would be.
Speaker B:It was funny because my mom had me.
Speaker B:My mom had me not long after she turned 21.
Speaker B:And so, of course, moms are just always so ready to become grandparents.
Speaker B:So my mom, a lot of times would say, when I was your age, you were such and such years old.
Speaker B:And I think about it, 37 when I found out I was going through infertility.
Speaker B:So when my mom was 37, I was, what, 16?
Speaker B:So you have voices like that in your head, and it just adds to the stress and just adds to the pressure.
Speaker B:And then, you know, my mom would be like, you don't need to be married to have a child.
Speaker B:And I was holding firm.
Speaker B:Yes, I do.
Speaker B:And now look at me.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:It's interesting because.
Speaker A:Do you feel like society.
Speaker B:Because you.
Speaker A:Are very educated, you spent time on your education, you spent time building a career.
Speaker A:And I feel like there are so many societal messages for young women that are like, don't get pregnant, get your degree, have a career.
Speaker A:It's like, in my experience, for so many years, it was like, if you get pregnant, I'll kill you.
Speaker A:Your life's over.
Speaker A:Then all of a sudden you're like, wait a second.
Speaker A:Nobody told me that it was going to be hard to get pregnant.
Speaker A:And no one told me that I should start this process sooner.
Speaker B:Here's the funny thing, and this is something I don't talk about very often.
Speaker B:So.
Speaker B:So I come from Dueling World.
Speaker B:I am Mormon.
Speaker B:I was.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:I became a convert to the Mormon LDS Church when I was in my early 20s.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker B:And I went to college.
Speaker B:I went to Brigham Young University.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:One of the things that.
Speaker B:One of the things that drew me to Mormonism was that family aspect.
Speaker B:I didn't have the greatest upbringing, so there was something about that family unit and the emphasis on family that really drew me to the church.
Speaker B:Like, 22 years old now going to Provo, Utah, to BYU.
Speaker B:And everything around me is get married, have children, get married, have children, get married, get married young, date, have children young.
Speaker B:All of my roommates in college, at every phase of my time at byu, all of my roommates had all, for the most part, either gotten married while we were in undergrad and had kids or gotten married shortly after we graduated.
Speaker B:Literally, I'm like the last one of my roommates to get married and have kids or whatever.
Speaker B:And so there was that aspect of it.
Speaker B:But then there was the.
Speaker B:I want to focus on my career.
Speaker B:I want to.
Speaker B:I.
Speaker B:I am a naturally independent person.
Speaker B:I don't want to rely on my spouse's income because a lot of them.
Speaker B:And that if that's what works for them, that's great.
Speaker B:But I had that hope that I would get married in college.
Speaker B:But then as I got older, I started having experiences that I wouldn't not have been able to have had I gotten married so young.
Speaker B:I was able to go to Australia to work for Major League Baseball for a year.
Speaker B:I was able to have these certain experiences, especially working in sports, where you're not working a traditional skill schedule.
Speaker B:So while I had that hope and that desire, I also knew how important having a career was and how important education was to me.
Speaker B:So I was stuck in these two worlds.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:But I always place the emphasis on finding out who I am as a person, building my career path, figuring out what I want to do, do for me first.
Speaker B:And so that made it easy to push things aside, push things back.
Speaker B:And I don't regret that at all.
Speaker B:I'm glad that I'm.
Speaker B:I look at my life and I'm glad that it worked out the way it did.
Speaker B:I'm glad I was able to have experience, experiences I probably would not have been able to have had I gotten married at 22, 23 years old, been able to live life, have experiences, develop skills, develop as a person.
Speaker B:I'm not the person I am today at 41 is not the person at 22 at BYU.
Speaker B:And so I'm glad I was able to navigate that and not lose myself in the process.
Speaker A:Yeah, totally.
Speaker A:That's actually.
Speaker A:That's an incredibly skilled way of dealing with both of those things.
Speaker A:Like, both of those sort of messages of it's good to have kids young and have a family young, but also it's good to build a career.
Speaker A:I feel the same.
Speaker A:I feel like I have lived many lives in a way, because I've been able to have experiences before having kids.
Speaker A:And then think about, like, all of the stories you're going to tell your daughter about your life.
Speaker A:Like you have.
Speaker A:You're giving her someone to, like, look up to.
Speaker A:Not that you wouldn't be someone to look up to if you had kids when you were 22, but it's nice.
Speaker B:Because I'm able to give her experiences.
Speaker B:So anyone that knows me knows I love baseball.
Speaker B:Baseball.
Speaker B:I eat, sleep, breathe baseball.
Speaker B:Like I said, I worked in.
Speaker B:I worked for Major League Baseball in Australia for a year.
Speaker B:When I was in undergrad, I interned in the commissioner's office.
Speaker B:When I finished grad school, my first job out of grad school was doing, like a seasonal job for.
Speaker B:In.
Speaker B:In marketing and game day entertainment for the New York Mets.
Speaker B:So I've been able to build a lot of relationships in the industry.
Speaker B:And so everybody that knows me knows that, like, my second home is Citi Field.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:And Isla was born.
Speaker B:And when she was four months old, I took her to her first baseball game.
Speaker B:And we're sitting like fourth row on the first baseline.
Speaker B:And just, you know, I had Isla.
Speaker B:People from the Mets who I've built relationships with, they sent a care package full of Mets geek gear, bibs, hats, little stuffed toys and stuff.
Speaker B:And just congratulating me on having the baby and welcoming Isla to the Mets family.
Speaker B:And those are things that I cherish because I'm able to give her those experiences.
Speaker B:What four month old is sitting fourth row during.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:To her first game in September.
Speaker B:And then I took her to her second game.
Speaker B:It was during while the Mets were in the playoffs.
Speaker B:And once again, we're sitting like third row, first base side.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And these are memories that I'm building.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:With her.
Speaker B:These are experiences that I've been able to cultivate through my relationships.
Speaker B:And now the.
Speaker B:And I'm turning these into memories and moments for her.
Speaker B:And that when I look at it that way, it makes it so worth it.
Speaker B:Because being a woman and being a black woman, working in sports, it's not a lot of us.
Speaker B:And to be able to have my daughter be like, my mommy did that.
Speaker B:My first assignment when I came back from maternity leave.
Speaker B:I came back from maternity leave mid September, and my first assignment off of maternity leave was producing stuff for MLB Playoffs on tbs.
Speaker B:So here I am trying to juggle having a baby, being a new mom, juggling just returning to work and what work is like as a mom.
Speaker B:And I'm handed this heavy assignment to work on baseball playoffs, and then we're sitting down on the couch.
Speaker B:The day is done.
Speaker B:I've produced whatever it is I needed to produce, and we're sitting on the couch and she can watch it on TV with me.
Speaker B:And those are things that I'll forever be able to.
Speaker B:To cherish.
Speaker B:And she can look back and be like, my mommy did that.
Speaker B:And it's all been part of the journey and just does my.
Speaker B:Did my career delay things?
Speaker B:I guess maybe you can say that, or you can say that everything happened right on time, the way it should have.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yep.
Speaker A:I Think so.
Speaker A:I think giving your daughter such an example is one of the most important things.
Speaker A:And that's everything.
Speaker A:That's everything.
Speaker B:I didn't know I was having a daughter.
Speaker B:I didn't choose.
Speaker B:I didn't choose the gender for the embryos.
Speaker B:They said, do you want to choose?
Speaker B:I said, no, whatever the strongest one is.
Speaker B:Let God.
Speaker B:Let God die.
Speaker B:But I thought for sure I was going to be a boy mom.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:Wanted a boy first.
Speaker B:I work in sports.
Speaker B:Everybody's, yeah, you're going to be a boy mom.
Speaker B:And they're like, it's a girl.
Speaker B:I said, what?
Speaker B:A girl.
Speaker B:What?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So I'm not at all prepared, but now it's.
Speaker B:Yeah, it makes sense.
Speaker B:It makes sense to have a girl.
Speaker B:So it just.
Speaker B:To have to be an example to a little girl is just the best.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Sometimes I think, oh, my kids, what do they think about me?
Speaker A:Do they think Mommy's at home all the time, like she does nothing?
Speaker A:But even if they somehow think that now, at some point, they'll know everything that I've done and worked on and tried to do, and that's very important to me, and I think it is to you, too.
Speaker A:And that's just.
Speaker A:It's great.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And that's what is drawing me to want to become a fertility coach as well, to be that example to Isla.
Speaker B:I'm not gonna get emotional.
Speaker B:Sometimes I talk about my journey on social media and people sometimes, not often, but sometimes, people will make very rude comments.
Speaker B:One person I'll never forget said, basically, said, basically, called me selfish for bringing a child into the world without a father.
Speaker B:Just that way I could, quote, fill a void in my life.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah, I know.
Speaker B:And.
Speaker B:And I want.
Speaker B:And I need Isla to know that my decision to have her was not merely to fill a void in my life.
Speaker B:She was more than that.
Speaker B:And that her being here is for a reason.
Speaker B:And that I want other people.
Speaker B:Men, women, single men, single women, LGBTQ people.
Speaker B:I want to be an example to Isla that I did it my way and that I want to help people do it their way as well, and to be that example that my mommy is out here doing good work and helping people achieve their dream of being parents, no matter how it happens.
Speaker B:And that is what inspires me the most, to be able to be an example and to show her that I'm doing good in the world, that I'm trying to make an impact as best as I can.
Speaker B:The sports stuff is.
Speaker B:That's cool.
Speaker B:My mommy gets to go to NBA All Star.
Speaker B:My mommy gets.
Speaker B:Gets to do all this cool stuff in the sports space, but first and foremost, my mom is helping people.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:How?
Speaker A:Because I had this experience.
Speaker A:A lot of women I've talked to have had this experience.
Speaker A:Like, after you go through such a challenge, you have a moment of, am I doing as much as I can to.
Speaker A:With my one life?
Speaker A:Am I doing as much as I can to actually do good?
Speaker A:And it's.
Speaker A:It spurs you to start doing more.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And that's.
Speaker A:No matter what any person says you're raising the next.
Speaker A:Mothering is, like, the most essential labor towards creating a better society.
Speaker A:No matter how you do it, it's great.
Speaker A:It's noble work.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:It's not selfish.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker B:And it's not something I.
Speaker B:I take, like, lightly or took lightly.
Speaker B:Making the decision to become a single mom, that weighed on me quite a bit because I knew the impact that would have.
Speaker B:I thought in my mind a million times what that conversation is going to be like when she comes home from, like, pre K or something one day, and it's like, where's my daddy?
Speaker B:So, yeah, daddy did this.
Speaker B:Where's my daddy?
Speaker B:That's not an easy conversation to have.
Speaker B:It's not.
Speaker B:And I.
Speaker B:I spent a lot of time thinking about the impact a conversation like that could have on her.
Speaker B:But I also plan on being completely honest with her and explaining to her why I did what I did, that she does have a daddy.
Speaker B:She doesn't know who he is.
Speaker B:She can't see him, but his spirit is there.
Speaker B:And I'm glad that I've also been able to build a community with other families that use the same donor.
Speaker A:No way.
Speaker A:That's awesome.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:And that was something that was very important to me as well, so.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker B:She has siblings.
Speaker B:We're all, like, in a Facebook group together.
Speaker B:We share pictures of each other's children and updates and things like that, and we're building a community together as parents.
Speaker B:A lot of us are single moms by choice, and then a lot of them.
Speaker B:A lot of the other parents are of LGBTQ families, couples.
Speaker B:And that's been so important to me to build that community and to build that relationship.
Speaker B:So it makes it a little bit easier to have those tough conversations as she gets older, because it's, hey, you have a sibling here.
Speaker B:Here in North Carolina.
Speaker B:You have a sibling in Toronto.
Speaker B:You have sibling in California.
Speaker B:You have that community.
Speaker B:You're not.
Speaker B:You're not alone.
Speaker B:And then when she turns 18, she'll have the option if she wants to reach out to the donor.
Speaker A:Wow.
Speaker B:So I'm.
Speaker B:That was another thing that was important to me is to find a donor that.
Speaker B:That is willing to be identified once the child turns 18.
Speaker B:So she has the option.
Speaker B:She can make the outreach if she wants to, and then see how it goes from there if they want to build a relationship.
Speaker B:So these were all things that I took into consideration before I even started the process because I knew how important that would be for her.
Speaker B:So it's.
Speaker B:It's not.
Speaker B:Again, it's not a decision that I.
Speaker B:I made lightly.
Speaker B:It's.
Speaker B:It took a lot of thought, a lot of introspection, a lot of care to come to the decision that I came to.
Speaker B:And I'm glad that I did that, and I'm glad that I took time.
Speaker B:Time to think about all of those things ahead of time.
Speaker B:And that's why I talk about my process as openly as I did, because it's not typical, but it's life.
Speaker B:It's real life.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And it.
Speaker A:There are so many kinds of families, and there are many families that have a mother and a father, a heteronormative mother, father, that don't have a great childhood experience.
Speaker A:It's not one size fits all.
Speaker A:It's all about being honest and just creating that emotionally safe environment for your child.
Speaker B:Mm.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:That's so key, because, like I said before, I did not grow up in the greatest household myself.
Speaker B:It was just taking a lot of the experiences from that and applying that to being a mom now and just trying to give her the best life possible.
Speaker A:That's just beautiful.
Speaker A:And I just find you really admirable.
Speaker A:And I'm gonna get emotional now.
Speaker A:It's just being.
Speaker A:Figuring out what kind of mom you want to be, especially if you have a daughter, and all of that.
Speaker A:It's just so huge.
Speaker A:And I just.
Speaker A:You're just such a great example of the thought that goes into it.
Speaker A:And thank you for being that.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker B:See, now you're gonna get me.
Speaker A:We can't just be, you know, just.
Speaker B:Out here trying to make each other cry.
Speaker A:I know.
Speaker A:We gotta stop.
